You’re Pretty Good! Err…No, I’m Not.

🧠 Reflection Point

According to Forbes, some studies estimate that as many as 70% of the population experience impostor syndrome at one time or another. That means the vast majority of people walk around feeling less about themselves.

Listed below are some traits of people suffering from impostor syndrome. If you find out this looks like you, don’t fight it, it’s okay. In fact, the first step to victory is knowing you are actually a victim.

1. They think people(friends, colleagues/supervisors) overestimate them. They fidget when awarded accolades because they feel they might not be able to meet up to expectations.

2. They create a perpetuating cycle of self-doubt. People with imposter syndrome have an immense fear of failure, but at the same time, they're terrified of success. They want to prove their worth but worry they don't deserve high levels of success. With a new level of success, their fear of being 'found out’ actually increases because they feel they would have to put in more effort to keep up the 'charade'.

3. They avoid asking for a higher paycheck at work. Simply because they feel they don't worth it, but in the real sense, they actually do.

4. They work really hard. In an effort to relieve their anxiety over their inadequacies, they set very high standards for themselves, but no matter how much validation they receive for their performance, they never feel competent.

5. They decline opportunities outside their comfort zone or role.

6. They refuse to celebrate their successes. They fear they might not or won't be able to replicate their result again, it might just be good luck happening. They're never able to fully internalize their success.

7. Instead of stepping out, they choose to remain stagnant.

Lots of people with imposter syndrome have quite deeply ingrained thought patterns that operate pretty strongly to stop them from really internalising true, positive things about themselves. It’ll take some conscious effort to recognise and tackle those thought patterns head-on.

Having looked up a number of resources, here are my 3 major prescriptions for dealing with imposter syndrome.

1. 🔗 Decouple your self-worth from your productivity & impact. Take time to internalize the fact that you have intrinsic worth no matter how productive or impactful you are. This is crucial for 2 reasons as 80000hours puts it, 1) It's True, and 2) by cultivating unconditional self-acceptance, you'll be able to better view your ability from a curiosity-oriented, truth-seeking mindset, instead of having your self-worth ride on your outcomes at different points in time.

2. 👩‍👩‍👧‍👧 Talk to your inner circles/friends & do away with toxic ones. I particularly decided very early in my journey not to keep a lot of friends, this is not necessarily relative to numbers as in count, but intentionally making sure that my friends are of really good quality (no compromise) and gracefully do away with toxic ones. This has been one of the best decisions I've made because I can literally pick up my phone and with just a message, they're able to pick me up, dust off my infirmities, and place me back on track.

3. 🙏 Every entity, either living or non-living possesses a creator and a manual of creation, so when I begin to feel the loss of essence, it basically means I need to take a step back to speak to my creator and meditate on my manual of creation. When moments like this hit me badly, it's a good time for me to spend time praying to God and meditating on the scriptures. This has never failed me. You should do the same.

I hope this helps!

Looking to seek help or speak to someone about this? Let's talk (@dami_alagbala on Twitter).

🪔 Discovery Worth Sharing

🎨 Quote

A meaningful life can be extremely satisfying even in the midst of hardship, whereas a meaningless life is a terrible ordeal no matter how comfortable it is.

🎤 On Purpose Podcast - Principles for Making Better Decisions & How to Strengthen Relationships for Long-Term Success with Ray Dalio. Ray is the founder and co-chairman of Bridgewater Associates, the largest and best-performing hedge fund in the world. He is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller and #1 Amazon Business Book of the Year, Principles. I learnt a lot and highly highly highly recommend listening.

📚 Book I started Reading - 7 habits of highly effective people. I have a very slim time reading books due to my schedule so I'd rather opt for audiobooks via audible, and this particular book is one I started listening to earlier this week, and I've learnt a lot (get the book if you can). Highly recommend it.

🧾 Scripture for the week -

So how do we fit what we know of Abraham, our first father in the faith, into this new way of looking at things? If Abraham, by what he did for God, got God to approve him, he could certainly have taken credit for it. But the story we’re given is a God-story, not an Abraham-story. What we read in Scripture is, “Abraham entered into what God was doing for him, and that was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own.” - Romans 4:1-3 MSG

Credits

Proofreading: my friend, Motolani Olorunmola

Have a productive one.

Dami ✌️.